Waiting in the ER. The terminology is familiar. The machines, IV’s, the meds, the sounds – all familiar. Efficient medical staff with kind reassuring words. Beeps, buzzing, whirring, the sound of the oxygen ….. each machine doing its job, monitoring vitals, administering meds, only this time my husband is on the gurney with a heart attack.
Family notified, friends notified. Our son sent to a friend’s house. Thanking God for precious friends. Our kids are texting for reassurance. I hope my phone will stay charged. Jeff is resting comfortably finally. Praise the Lord!
It would be nice to have a good cry but it will have to wait until later.
Praying in little half sentences, can’t really string together any profound thoughts. Glad God understands all that. I feel oddly calm. I guess God spends a lot of time in emergency rooms.
June 17, 2011
When asked “do I journal” I guess the answer is no because if I did, I would carry with me a precious journaling notebook ready to capture all of those profound thoughts. Instead, I am at the cottage writing on the inside of a cereal box because there is no paper to be found anywhere. Yes, I have written things from time to time but mostly I was just focussed on raising four children, working, and survival.
At times I wish I had penned more of my thoughts on life. I would have recorded more about what it was like to raise my babies and the fun things we did. I would have written more of what I was thinking when family members died. Yesterday I could have written about how it felt to have my son, my last child at home, complete his last day of high school and come strolling through the door with his backpack and raid the fridge for the last time.
After being insanely busy for the last two weeks, today I could have written about how nice it felt to dangle my tired feet off the end of the dock and have a school of tiny minnows swim around my toes.
After a decade and a half of silence, I picked up my pen again a couple of years ago. My husband told me how pleased he was to see me writing again. He knows the joy it gives me. It is a wonderful feeling of release to express myself, to write, and to vent. These days it is the click of my fingers on the keyboard as my thoughts stream out. Writing helps me to sort things out in my mind. Many times it starts conversations with others when I discover that they are thinking or struggling with the same things, then we can sort things out together. I like that. I like that a lot. I love to encourage with my words. I hope they help people.
Will I start journaling? I don’t know. Should I? For now I shall continue with my little blog. If you can hang with me as I ramble on and try to sort out life, I will be very happy to share. I would be content if we could do life together.
by Cyndi den Otter
June 11, 2011